Team: Me!

The results are in! 251.2 for the week. That is down 3.6 from last week. That sure makes up for my gain the week before. I’m glad to start today on a good note. I managed to think myself into a bad mood yesterday. Ever read too much into a conversation?
I received a few texts from my boyfriend that is on the other side of the world right now, and I took something that had nothing to do with me, way too personally. I actually moped and got teary. In my head I started tearing myself apart. This is a terrible habit of mine. When we look in the mirror, we should see someone that is on our side. Our biggest adversary should not be ourselves. My mental conversation with myself shouldn’t have me wanting to curl in a ball on the couch with a box of Girl Scout cookies. (Thank goodness I gave them away) Today, I’m determined to be securely on my own team. I’m going back to that exercise where for every bad thing I think about myself, I have to counter with two positives. This was the same exercise that brought my procrastination issue to light. I wonder what else I can figure out about myself…

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Appreciating now

I always say that I’m realistic. I don’t always look at the silver lining. I don’t always appreciate what I have, and I need to. My boyfriend and I have known each other for 12 years or so. We’ve dated off and on (more off than on). Our daughter is 9 now. We had never really given ourselves a chance at our relationship until this time. We’ve been together for over a year so far. We’ve even moved in together. We’ve learned how to disagree and talk about it. Neither of us is running. I need to stop and appreciate what I have, because I’ve wanted it for so very long. I’m sitting in our living room and just reflecting on love and my life.

But, my inner voice hates me. I’m having this blissfully peaceful morning and that snarky little bitch in my head is pointing out each and every short coming and doubt. How do you silence your inner voice? More importantly, how do you get your voice to be a cheerleader for you?

I’m going to try something today. Each time I catch myself being negative, I’m going to counter it with two positives. I may even make a list because I love them so. I have to try something. The last person that should be disrupting my happiness is myself.

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