As I Yo-Yo again… (Operation Motivation)

I’m back… again. I haven’t taken a full 5 months off, but I feel like I might have well have. My scale practically groans when I start to approach. Ok, that isn’t true, but I imagine it in my head in the morning. I’m back for inspiration and motivation. Oh, I need motivation. And, a therapist. Since I’m unwilling to find the last one right now, I’ll stick to helping my body to become healthier and hope my mind follows.

Since back to school shopping was done, I am fully stocked up on notebooks. I have no reason not to be journaling like a madwoman. I have also found a bike riding buddy. I purchased a bike several years ago. I even rode it a couple of times. I have gone for more bike rides in the past two weeks than I have the rest of the years I have owned the thing. I even rode around the block a couple of times today with my daughter. My only complaint is that my butt hurts after. I bought a cushioned seat cover, which helps a little, but my muscles on my bottom need to get used to holding me up on a tiny seat. I will get there before snow falls this Winter.

I am currently not working (I am a seasonal employee), so my days consist of cleaning, school work (Masters Degree), and exercise. Well, that is what it should consist of. Too often, my day is filled with Netflix, couch naps, and wishing I had done something with my day. I miss my weekly goals. I felt like I was getting something done.

I have a handful of sources of motivation right now, some healthy, some not so healthy.

1) My darling daughter. She is always a shining spot of love, motivation, dedication and all that is good. I want her to live in a happy healthy environment. I will be a positive role model in her life.

2) Diet Bet. I joined another Diet Bet and I read our activity board regularly (every time I feel like drowning out reality with donuts). Seeing other women working together, sharing ideas, acknowledging accomplishments, supporting each other in struggles gets my mind back to where I want it to be.

3) I compare myself to others. Here’s my unhealthy one that keeps me writing in my journal because I am driving myself insane. I was in Abu Dhabi for the Summer visiting my boyfriend. He is surrounded by gorgeous women that are scantly clad and just passing through. I’m not going into this further because it’ll set me off on a self loathing tangent and I’m looking for positive motivation right now and not one fueled by frantic desperation.

To wrap this up, here are my goals for the week.

  1. Meet my FitBit step goal each day this week.
  2. Try a new healthy recipe.
  3. Finish my homework by Thursday. (This will reduce so much stress in my weekend. No one deserves to have a stressed out weekend.)
  4. Time my mile on my walk/jog.
  5. Sign up for the NAMI RI 5k for this weekend.

I’m going to start with this and come up with my long term goals later. And I’m off! I’m planning on playing Just Dance before bed 🙂

And my weight this morning was 244 lbs…

Monday Weigh In and Issues

Uh oh…

Starting Weight: 268.8 lbs

Last Week:           235.6 lbs

Current:                240.2 lbs

I hate to say it, because I don’t like weighing myself more than once a week, but I’m going to weigh myself again tomorrow. If that is a real influx of weight, then I need to do something. I am weighing out of my next diet bet this week. A weight like that will have me losing, and I don’t want that. I will check again tomorrow. Perhaps the soup that I made last night had more salt than I thought. Or… something. I hope there is something. I already said goodbye to the 240’s, I’m not looking forward to a reunion.

I have discovered that I’m pretty judgmental about how people lose weight. I am against surgery to do it. I realize that there are people that have gotten to the point of life and death when it comes to their weight, but other than that, I believe that people should do the work to get the results. I had been following a blog for over a year. She is overweight and trying to lose weight. I’ve watched her yo yo through a few fads this past year with no success. She just doesn’t stick with anything much beyond the initial water weight loss. Now, she wants to go for gastric bypass surgery. She’s talking about all of her food restrictions before and after the surgery, and how she’s looking forward to it because she thrives with set rules. No you don’t! If you did, then you would have stuck with your initial diet of eating healthier and moving more. She had a plan and did great while she stuck with it. Surgery isn’t an easy way out. It won’t bring you to your goal. You still need to work. If you’re a food addict before, you still will be after. Only now, a binge could be fatal. She needs to exercise and restrict her calories for a while before the surgery. I’m hoping that she’ll realize that is just what she needed to do all along. We are worth the effort and time. In a world where we want everything now, I can see why we want our results quicker too. We didn’t get here overnight. We’re not going to find our way out overnight either.

We need to deal with our issues to make any progress. Something got us here. We buried something, some pain, with the temporary joy that food can bring. Without fixing the problem, we’re going to keep running up against it. I am kind of miserable this week. I should have a newborn snuggled up with me, but I lost my pregnancy earlier this year. I rubbed against that thought at the beginning of October and brushed it off, and a couple of times in the past couple of weeks. Now this morning, it slapped me in the face. I wonder if it was going to be a boy or a girl. I thought boy. I’m going to be thinking about him a lot, and I’m going to come to terms with this somehow. I need to forgive me. I’m not going to add this to the pile of reasons that I hide. I also don’t want to be haunted by these feelings forever. At least, not this strongly.

So tonight, I am heading to CrossFit once again. They will kick my butt, and I will say thank you. I think that I finally recovered yesterday. My legs were quite useless. Good thing I had plenty more boxes to move. Yes, I’m still moving. I’m up to my books. My giant bookcases do not seem to have survived very well. They may need to be replaced. That’s a task for another day.

Weigh In – And Update

Ok, once again, I weighed in on Monday and didn’t get to post. My last weight in was my first Weigh Out on my very first DietBet, and I won! So for gambling $25 on myself, I got a payoff of $44. I already signed up for another one, and the best part this time is that I paid for it with my winnings. Now I’m officially getting paid to lose weight! I cannot wait to see what the payout is for the Jillian Michaels bet is. That pot is ten times bigger than the one that just ended. So, here are my numbers from Monday…

Starting Weight: 268.8 lbs

Last Week: 237.0 lbs

Current: 235.6 lbs

I am walking a whole lot more (running from Zombies), but I haven’t been back to CrossFit yet. My daughter and I are having scheduling difficulties. She has Karate and other good things going on. I have put our activity options on little colored pieces of paper and shuffled to see how we can fit all of our wants. I think I have a solution (at least for today’s options). I will pick her up and she will be surprised. From here on, we can be a bit more organized. Speaking of organized… my boyfriend finished our closet before he left again.
Again he is gone for five weeks, but this time, I can hang my clothes up instead of storing them in and on bins. It was like Christmas. I have polished this wood so very much, it will be shimmering until next Summer. I might have a livingroom by next week. It is still holding piles and piles of clothing for now. I don’t think I’ve ever been so eager to clean.

Weigh In and Midweek Update

I got up early this morning to head over to a Foundations class at a local CrossFit gym I found. They were closed. I checked the Facebook page, and the morning class was cancelled. I am determined today, however. The next Foundations class is at 5:30 tonight and I will be there with bells on (or sweats).

I’m going on about 4 hours of sleep. I’m really feeling it too. I’ve had a stressful couple of days. I’m eating my stress. I had Chinese food last night and for breakfast. I started drinking coffee again. I ate at Dunkin Donuts and wasn’t even deterred after my stomach started yelling at me. I told it to shut up and eat the damn donut. I need my ass kicked. HARD. Which is why I am determined to go to CrossFit today. They will kick my ass for me. I will sweat out this toxic stress that has consumed my head and is spreading to my body. I’m not doing it on my own right now. I’m in a funk. I want out and all I can do is the hard part of showing up.

Here is my weigh in from Monday. I had to “weigh out” of my diet bet challenge, so I even took pictures of it. I’m not sharing the pictures, just mentioning that I have them from the bet.

Starting Weight: 268.8 lbs

Last Week:           237.6 lbs

Current:                237.0 lbs

I’m surprised I was even down that .6. Really surprised. My goodness, I’m even packing in the carbs and I was clean a week ago. Ugh! I know beating myself up about it won’t help. I need to move to eating cleaner again. I was doing great. I’ve even started getting headaches again. I know backpedaling is really bad for me. I need to change direction; Bounce forward again. My next post will have me glowing, I swear. I will have gone to my class. I will have loved it. I will be sore from working hard. My body will thank me and I will reward it with healthy food because I know that is what it needs.

Goals and Still Moving (part 3)

I really like that my monthly goal update, weekly weigh in, and 100th post all fall in one. Thank you to everyone that is reading about my journey. I really appreciate all of the support and comments that you have contributed. Let’s start with my weigh in…

Starting Weight: 268.8 lbs

Last Week:           241.8 lbs

Current:                237.6 lbs

Huge happy dance! Good bye 240’s! I weighed myself both days this weekend. I didn’t want it to just be a water fluctuation. I feel like this one is solid. This also means that I have met my goal for my first DietBet! I need to maintain or improve for another week or so until my weigh out. I get a cut of the $74k pot. The Jillian Michaels diet bet is still underway. That pot is over $233k. I’m so very excited about my results. Winning is a nice added bonus. And now we say good bye to my September goals…


  1. Complete C25K Week 1 (on hold ankle injury) (carried from August)
  2. Remodel my closet. (on hold, but well underway. Boyfriend is away and will complete upon his return)(carried from August)
  3. C25k Week 2 (see #1) (carried from August)
  4. Move all of my stuff into the new house (Still working on it. I have two more days)(Now I’ve been extended to the end of October)(carried from August)
  5. Improve Crunches to 40 and knee push ups to 20.
  6. Actual workouts – at least 2 a week all month. Week 1 Week 2 Week 3 Week 4
  7. Fix the railing on the porch and paint it.
  8. Leave the 240′s behind!

By June 2014

  1. Take a scuba class.
  2. Run an entire 5k.
  3. Reduce debt by 50%.
  4. Organize all stored items in basement.
  5. Have a yard sale.
  6. Onederland

I did ok. I’ll give me an ok. I really wanted to knock everything off this month. I’ll have to settle for October. I didn’t practice my push ups nearly as much as I wanted to. While I’ve been getting workouts in, I haven’t been pushing. It is something I need to do at home. I just feel silly in the gym. I’ll get over my self-consciousness eventually.

I think I’m done with the C25k program. I want to continue improving my running, but I kind of want to run more when I can and feel like I can walk when I need to. As long as my times keep improving, I’ll call it progress.

I am not too sure what this month will actually bring life or fitness-wise. I see a small vacation in the near future. I will also be starting a new job with new hours. But, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t keep going with a to do list. Bring it on, October!


  1. Remodel my closet. (on hold, but well underway. Boyfriend is away and will complete upon his return)(carried from August)
  2. Move all of my stuff into the new house (Still working on it. I have two more days)(Now I’ve been extended to the end of October)(carried from August)
  3. Improve Crunches to 40 and knee push ups to 20. (Carried from September)
  4. Fix the railing on the porch and paint it. (Carried from September)
  5. Go jogging with my boyfriend.
  6. Take a new class at the gym (or possibly stop in at the Crossfit  gym I found near my house)
  7. Say good bye to the 230’s.

I don’t know if it is my mood today or what. I just can’t think of another goal to add to my list. I keep reading about CrossFit. It sounds like a lot of work, and something that I would like. This place has a free first time drop in. I don’t know if I’m in good enough shape to give it a whirl. Then again, I’m there to improve. Maybe it doesn’t matter where I am in my journey. I’ve removed 30 lbs so far. It isn’t like I’m brand new to exercising. I’ll think about it and try to stop stressing about everyone looking at me.

Traditionally, this is where I give up on my weight loss journey. I want to stay engaged and not bury myself back under a rock. I need to deal with my issues before they pop up again. Proactive. That will be my theme of the month. I’ll try and stay a step ahead of my… well… head.

Monday Weigh In

Starting Weight: 268.8 lbs

Friday: 243.6 lbs

Current: 241.8lbs

There’s my first goal! 10% of my starting body weight gone!

In this picture we have my candle holder. Each bead inside represents a pound I have to lose. I attach them to the outside when it has been removed. You will also see my bottle of perfume that is my reward. Not to mention my clothes fitting better 🙂

I have to admit, after my dinner out with the boss, I had a hard time getting my portions back under control. Yesterday let me know that I’m back in control. I went to a NASCAR race and was surrounded by a whole lot of junk. While the fries and chicken fingers were coming in, the only things I got for myself were 2 bottles of water and an Italian ice. I stole two spoons of soup and four French fries from my daughter. I think I did great.

So here begins the removal of my next 10%. I am feeling good about this.

Monday Weigh In

Starting Weight: 268.8 lbs

Friday:                   243.6 lbs

Current:                243.6 lbs

It didn’t keep me all that accountable. While I didn’t gain, I did have popcorn and little chocolate munchies at the movies with my daughter. The movies were a reward for getting her room cleaned and me assembling her trundle bed. Those things have a lot of pieces! I even have a few extra 😉  I was sweating my butt off bolting together the wood. She even turned on her air conditioner for me. I also painted her desk and assembled, yet another set of shelves in the basement. I have, hopefully, 5 days until my boyfriend comes home. I hope he isn’t delayed. I’ll be in super cleaning mode until then.

I haven’t made any workout plans for this week. My gym bag is in the wrong car. I might dance my butt off after bed time tonight, and then meet with my notebook to make some real plans. The pool at my gym is open again. My daughter will be very happy to hear that. She was so disappointed when it was closed for repairs. Foods this week will be very turkey intensive. I baked one this weekend and it will need to be used before it spoils. That’s it for me, how was your weekend?

Weigh In Monday

Starting Weight: 268.8 lbs

Last Week:          248.6 lbs

Current:              246.2 lbs

Yay! 2.5 lbs gone. I have to admit, I was hoping for a bigger number with my increased activity, but I know that isn’t how the system works. I’m feeling good and that is what counts. I’ll be starting C25k Week 2 tomorrow. If I’m motivated enough, I’ll wake up early and take a jaunt through the woods instead of hitting the treadmill. I have been told that I need to stretch more, and once I did all my kinks started working their way out. I have to figure out a good time to stretch and just make it a habit. My knee brace is fitting better now too. It kept on fighting my thigh and sliding out of position, but now once I get it in place it is holding tight. Anyone know how to clean a brace? This one has metal supports in it. If it were just supportive material, then I would throw it in the wash, but the big metal pieces have me not wanting to do that.

After all my planning to avoid snacking on pumpkin sweets, my good intentions were thwarted by a red velvet cheesecake. Although it took me two days to eat one slice, that’s two days of giving in to something that I really didn’t need. Of course, I’m punishing myself today with a super strict menu. I’ll forgive me tomorrow and get back to my usual meals.

How did you do this weekend? Any successes or challenges you want to share?

Team: Me!

The results are in! 251.2 for the week. That is down 3.6 from last week. That sure makes up for my gain the week before. I’m glad to start today on a good note. I managed to think myself into a bad mood yesterday. Ever read too much into a conversation?
I received a few texts from my boyfriend that is on the other side of the world right now, and I took something that had nothing to do with me, way too personally. I actually moped and got teary. In my head I started tearing myself apart. This is a terrible habit of mine. When we look in the mirror, we should see someone that is on our side. Our biggest adversary should not be ourselves. My mental conversation with myself shouldn’t have me wanting to curl in a ball on the couch with a box of Girl Scout cookies. (Thank goodness I gave them away) Today, I’m determined to be securely on my own team. I’m going back to that exercise where for every bad thing I think about myself, I have to counter with two positives. This was the same exercise that brought my procrastination issue to light. I wonder what else I can figure out about myself…

Weighing in

Starting: 268.8 lbs (121.9 kg)

Last week: 254.6 lbs

Current: 253.4 lbs (114.9 kg)

That’s right, I’m down another 1.2! Although I am celebrating another loss, I can’t help but think of how much better it might have been without my little slip ups. I won’t beat me down about it. I’m only human.

I would really like to get under 250. I know that it isn’t my first goal point, but it feels symbolic somehow. I’m really not that far away. It could even only be a week away if I really push it. The thought gets me giddy.

I will be taking two short walks today for my 15 minute breaks. My lunch break I will be spending with a friend. I haven’t seen her in ages and I’m not going to pass it up since she is seldom in town. The rest of my week should be more active than usual. I now have a deadline for moving all of my stuff out of my old place. We have two closets that need some work before I move stuff in them. That’ll have to be done this week. If I think about it all at once, I’ll start to panic. I’ll have to go make my list now… Happy Monday everyone!

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