Yet more progress

Walking more, cleaning more, eating more (oops), and planning more. Part of my resolutions this year was to take even better care of me. This will include finding a new primary care doctor and actually going through all of the screening tests that are recommended. While my blood pressure has always been fantastic, I have no idea where my cholesterol or blood sugar is. I would like to find out so that I am able to correct any issues before it is too late.

So, with my new health insurance, that comes with my new job, also comes a nifty web site where I can be coached and taught all about improving my health and well being. I took my beginning health assessment and learned that I am too short for my weight and that I worry way more than is healthy. I already knew this, but now I can learn more and put these healthy tips that they throw at you into play in my life. This is where my thought for a new primary care doctor came in. My current one is way to far away now that I have moved. It requires three highways and, well, I just don’t like to drive. So, I did some research and found a new one that happens to be taking new patients, and lo and behold, she is only 2.1 miles from my house. If I felt ambitious, and planned ahead, I could walk there. Perhaps when I can see sidewalks, around June when all this snow has melted. I will call on Monday and make an appointment.

I was grumpy as hell yesterday (freakin’ Valentine’s Day). My boyfriend, once again, had me as an afterthought. I, in turn, did the only thing I could see as reasonable at the time. Cried myself to sleep. I obviously need to work more on my positive thinking because I, very completely, tore myself to shreds. He knows nothing about this and thinks that everything is fine. I’m fine. Everyone is happy. Why don’t I tell him how very disappointed I was? Because I (am a coward) don’t want to hurt his feelings. How could he not know that I was completely crushed? Does he not remember last year? He said he was sorry he didn’t think about doing anything for me. Just once, I wish I was a priority. I don’t want to be an afterthought. I want to be a plan. Here I go again with the stupid tears. My value does not depend on others. *sigh* I just wish he cared. I wish I mattered to him. I wish I was worth just a little bit of effort. So I ate three cupcakes. They weren’t worth the calories and I’m beating myself up about that too. I’ve cleaned all day because I need to feel some tiny bit of control in my life. I need to tackle this somehow. It just isn’t good for my mental health. I don’t want to tell him though. I feel silly. Or I’ll pack my feelings down and ignore it as best I can.

Tomorrow is another day of me increasing my activity level. I’m going to have to start off with shoveling though, then I’m actually going to try exercising. I’m shooting for stretching and teeny tiny hand weights. I’ll keep going with these baby steps until I’m back to 100% I’m going to get there!

One thought on “Yet more progress

  1. I am sure you will get there! Shovelling is excellent exercise and also useful whichever is a bonus 🙂

    Do not beat yourself up about three cupcakes, it happened and you can’t change it! Don’t let that decision influence future ones! Take every choice as a new one and try to make 80-90% of them healthy 🙂
    I am not sure you should bottle your feeling up though…if you don’t tell people when you have been upset they don’t know and never change things…it turns out that subtle hints and the theory that people should just know doesn’t actually work! Just calmly say something like “I am not angry, I just want you to know that I was sad that we didn’t do more for valentines day”.
    And no, your value definitely does not depend on others! You are fighting for something and doing all you can to make yourself a healthy person and that makes you awesome! X

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