Music is Therapy

I am moody. I know it. It is almost a joke among my friends. However, my bad moods are not in line with my healthy happy present I am striving for. My biggest brooding topic is my relationship with my boyfriend. We have had a rocky past (off and on again for 12 years). I haven’t forgiven or forgotten any of the catalysts that broke us up before. So, since I’m also obsessive by nature, when I have quiet time with myself I go over every miserable moment in detail. It leaves me feeling deflated, insecure, and hating myself. I have found a bandaid for such a tragic train of thought… music. Not just happy music, that doesn’t do it. By golly, I think I found the song that we will dance to if (when) we get married. Now that is a happy day dream I can roll around my head all day.

I still struggle to focus on the good, the now. Him being gone for so long doesn’t help. But, if I focus on the good thoughts and dreams in my head, maybe I can bring them to me. I really want my happily ever after.

I haven’t lost as much weight as I wanted to by his return. Will he notice the difference? Will he care? Will I give up on my changes once he is back? We haven’t eaten instant potatoes since he left. He’s a meat and potatoes guy. We’ve been light meats and veggies girls. I’ve been lucky to have been slightly isolated for my changes. It is easy to control your environment when you’re the only adult in it. With him, comes chips and dips. He doesn’t believe in organic foods either. We’re not on the same page nutritionally. Maybe he won’t care as long as he’s being fed. On the other side, I can go jogging when ever I want because he’ll be there. I won’t have to put off working out because my daughter doesn’t want to go. She can stay home with him. He used to run track. I wonder if he’d want to run with me. I wonder if I would be ok with him doing that. Or watching me.

And this is why I don’t have caffeine. My train of thought just takes off. I’m going to hit repeat and dance my afternoon away, in my head.

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11 thoughts on “Music is Therapy

  1. Don’t let his preferences deter you one bit. My husband and I have very different eating habits, but I’ve found ways to work around it and get it to work for both of us. Sometimes it means throwing a potato in the oven for him when I make dinner and making extra cauliflower for me. What I’ve learned is that I can eat what I want/need and he can eat what he wants, too. It may take an extra 5/10 minutes, but I’m okay with that. πŸ™‚

    • I could add more things in for me. I was adding the salads into the mix before he left. I’ve just gotten more creative since then. Once bonus of him being back is that he is a grill master. Everything gets grilled and grilled to perfection. I’ll just need to suggest (change) new ways to marinade the meats.

  2. I am glad you have found music that helps! I find that the right music in the right place can really change you mood in either direction for many many reasons! Some songs are hardwired in my brain to provoke certain reactions πŸ™‚

    I am sure (I hope) your boyfriend will be supportive of your changes, he doesn’t have to make them for himself, just not get in the way of you doing it! I am sure if he sees it making you happy he will support you! (I hope this is true!!)

    I also have a slightly (very) obsessive brain that goes over and over things…I have no idea how to stop it happening…although actually running seems to help πŸ™‚ and boxing!

    • He probably will be supportive. It could just be me over thinking. It is a hobby of mine.

      I used to run. That was my therapy (forever and a knee surgery ago). My goal was that runner’s high feeling. Once it hit I turned into a sobbing mess. It wasn’t tidy, but I felt sooo much better after. My body won’t let me really run yet, but we’re still in negotiations.

      I haven’t tried it with boxing. My punching bag is in line to be moved to the basement. Perhaps I should move it sooner rather than later.

      • I totally get the over thinking thing! I do it all the time!! Luckily I have a friend who does the same thing and we email all our over thinking to each other until and the other one is rational at them until it goes away! It happens quite often!

        I definitely recommend boxing! you can just hit things (pads / punch bag) until you stop thinking about things…especially if you concentrate on good boxing form πŸ™‚ It is good and distracting! it is also excellent cardio to boot!

      • Oh! So I need a rational friend. I’m not sure I have one πŸ™‚

        I’ll have to look up proper form for boxing. While I’ve been working with my bag off and on for about a year, I have no idea if I’m doing it right.

      • aaah…the advantage to our arrangement is neither of us is remotely rational, but we can be rational about the other one’s over thinking! it helps when it is not your own overthinking. πŸ˜€

  3. I did the whole “eat like my bf” thing when we first moved in. Now I’ve sort of taken control over the menu and I make what I want to eat and he’s pretty ok with it since he can’t/won’t cook unless he has to. So he’s happy being fed. But sometimes like somuchfattitude said I make him pasta and me spaghetti squash. He’ll have a stack of crepes and I’ll meticulously wrap one around a banana or fruit salad. Just takes some creativity.

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