Crunch Time

I am looking forward to crossing off some items on my to do list tomorrow. I have a full schedule today, I’ll need to plan ahead if I’m going to keep my food on track. I’ve had a delicious breakfast of overnight oats with fresh peaches diced on top. We will be spending the bulk of the day at my sister’s where the junk food flows freely. My mini cooler is sitting on the kitchen counter waiting to be stuffed. We also have a fundraising dinner to go to tonight. I’ll be keeping the alcohol off of my menu, especially since I’m driving, but I have no idea what they will be serving. Hopefully it will be something that I can work with. I’m not bringing my cooler there 🙂

Our fun break time today will be spent at the gym swimming. My daughter wanted to go to the splash park that they have, and I will be swimming laps while she splashes. The rest of the day is packing and moving. I’m typing now because I should be doing school work. I will end the procrastination now and hopefully report tomorrow that all work is completed and handed in. Have a great weekend everyone!


I must allow myself to succeed

Dishes are done. Two loads of laundry are complete. I’ve begun to dust. The problem with all of this? This is how I avoid working on my final. I sat down to work on my essays for my final, and then it hit me… I need to do everything else but my final. I’m even writing here. I just need to focus and get it over with. I do not know why finishing things are so… difficult for me. I shouldn’t say difficult, it is easy enough. I just don’t want to. I have another class lined up, so it isn’t like I’ll be in limbo. It is so very frustrating to deal with me.

Here’s the plan (because I need a plan). I will answer one problem before I do anything else. That is the deal that I am making with myself. I need to at least finish one more problem before I call it a night. If I don’t, then I’ll be freaking out tomorrow and I don’t really need any more stress.

I need to get out of my own way. This applies to so many aspects of my life. I do not like to struggle. I don’t know why I insist on doing it.


While unpacking I uncovered a book I picked up years ago. I’ve always wanted to be happy, but I just didn’t know how to get there. I bought, Field Guide To Happiness. It is all about self discovery and finding happiness within yourself, because that is where it is naturally found.
I’m focusing on the mind mapping section. Mind mapping is a tool to work with your thoughts and feelings. I grabbed the first exercise. Write your favorite word in the middle of a page, then surround it with the first 10 words that come to mind. I’ve always loved the word eclectic. It was on my first journal cover. I didn’t know what it meant when I bought it, but now I know it is to be considered the best by many sources. Perfection is a fascinating thought, but what really defines it? I see my cluster and I feel sad about where it would go if I kept going. I still think of me as unlovable. My daughter loves me, but she has to, I made her 🙂

I need to get it out of my head that losing weight will make me a better person. I am not a number on a scale. I will still be me, no matter what size. I need to love me, accept me, forgive me… Becoming physically healthier is only a piece of the puzzle. They all have to fit together to make me work.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

While eating dinner with my daughter, she started talking about how we’re eating healthier foods. She believes that her belly has gotten smaller as a result. She started looking at me with an apprehensive expression on her face. “My friend Sara’s mom put her on a diet. This is not a topic that I wanted to tackle with my daughter at the age of 9. I told her that a diet is everything we eat, and that sometimes people add more of some things and less of others. Then, I asked if she knew why they changed Sara’s diet. She said no. I then explained that it could be something like a new food allergy or something suggested by her doctor. The way she mentioned it, it seemed that it had to do with weight loss, so I asked if that was why she mentioned her belly. It was. I then pointed out that she just finished a growth spurt, and that she’s been running around outside a whole lot more than previously. Both will shrink her belly.

Her new health teacher was also speaking about a healthy diet yesterday. She told the class that they should only eat half of their meal when they go out to a restaurant. Along with that, she had that they should drink 8 8oz glasses of water a day. 64 ounces of water is a lot for a 70 lb child. Isn’t it half your weight in ounces? Like, my girl should have 35 ounces of water? Kids meals are not all that big. My girl will be starving if she ate half a sandwich and a few apple slices. The teacher was also promoting skim milk. Children’s bodies require fat. Also, aren’t they trying to introduce aspartame into low fat milks? We will have none of that toxic junk here. I’m not too happy with the health teacher thus far.

She’s eating less processed stuff right along with me. My intent is not to trim down my already slender girl. I want us to be healthier. For me, more slender will come from that. For her, she will just continue to grow as she is supposed to. We consume every part of the food pyramid. I told her that if she’s hungry, then she should eat. Don’t stuff yourself, don’t starve yourself, listen to your body.

Just Peachy

What are those behind me? That’s right! Peach trees! Yesterday, my daughter and I went on an adventure to Sunnycrest Farm to pick peaches. It was something new for both of us. We even picked up some fresh blueberry milk. That was something else new. Both the peaches and the milk were delicious. We’ll be happily munching on them for a few days. Here’s her favorite one… 20130828-093343.jpg

I was taking a look at my goals that I set for the end of the month. I think I’ll have at least 3 knocked off. Most importantly, to me, I’m out of the 250’s. I snuck on the scale this morning to peek… Lo and behold it said 249.2. I won’t call it official until I weigh in on the 31st, since it could be a fluctuation, but I’ll take it! Little by little, I’m getting there. My knees are moving easier. I haven’t even hit 20lbs yet, but every pound off seems to make a difference. I’ve been torturing my joints all this time. Now they’re getting some relief.

Breakfast Changes

After a little calculating… I just realized that if I continue to lose 2 lbs a week, then I will be 215 lbs by New Years. That thought makes me dance with glee in my head. If only my mental dancing burned calories as well…

Today, we are going peach picking at a local farm. I saw their ad in the paper this weekend and kept it. Since we’re eating more fruit, might as well eat local and in season, right? My mom has some kale plants to give me as well. I hope transplanting them next week will give them enough time to get their roots settled before a frost comes. Does anyone know if it is possible to keep them healthy inside? I wonder if they need to go dormant in the winter, or if they’ll just continue to produce if watered and kept near a window.

I am attempting to eat a large protein filled breakfast today. I say attempting because it has been an hour and I still have more than half left. I may have to finish my breakfast for lunch. I had heard that protein keeps you full longer and that your largest meal of the day should be for breakfast. I decided to give it a whirl. I am just not used to eating that much first thing in the morning. It certainly is heavier than oatmeal or a fruit cup. On the plus side, it isn’t giving me the tummy ache that I usually have following breakfast. I’ll try it again tomorrow and see if I have stumbled upon something here. If I can get rid of my morning belly ache, then I’ll make a permanent change to breakfast.

Team: Me!

The results are in! 251.2 for the week. That is down 3.6 from last week. That sure makes up for my gain the week before. I’m glad to start today on a good note. I managed to think myself into a bad mood yesterday. Ever read too much into a conversation?
I received a few texts from my boyfriend that is on the other side of the world right now, and I took something that had nothing to do with me, way too personally. I actually moped and got teary. In my head I started tearing myself apart. This is a terrible habit of mine. When we look in the mirror, we should see someone that is on our side. Our biggest adversary should not be ourselves. My mental conversation with myself shouldn’t have me wanting to curl in a ball on the couch with a box of Girl Scout cookies. (Thank goodness I gave them away) Today, I’m determined to be securely on my own team. I’m going back to that exercise where for every bad thing I think about myself, I have to counter with two positives. This was the same exercise that brought my procrastination issue to light. I wonder what else I can figure out about myself…

Stocked for Success

I forgot to weigh me in this morning. So, I’ll do it tomorrow. This week should be right on track as far as food goes. I made my soup for the week and it is all jarred up in the fridge. If my calculations are correct, it comes out to about 137 calories per serving. There are so many fresh veggies in it. I added lentils this time as well.

I tried infusing water last night. It came out pretty well, but I think I used a touch too much lemon. I’ll ease up next time and possibly add cherries. Over all, my fridge is stocked for success. We have no junk in the house, so I’ll really have to go out of my way to get it. I don’t understand why watching my food intake is so hard. I know what I should be eating. As soon as I put a limit on something, my brain screams out for it, even though I know I’ll feel really icky after. It is very frustrating. The only thing that I have successfully and completely cut out is fast food. I think that I have watched enough videos on how it is made to gross me out when I see it. Or think about eating it. There is nothing there that I want to consume. I’ll work the rest out in the end.

I have no workout planned for the day. I’m thinking of some hardcore cleaning. Enough trips up and down the stairs will have me sweating in no time. Scrubbing the floor should push me over the edge. The only other things I need to get done are my final and one other assignment for school. I WILL get at least two pages done tonight. I do not want to leave it to the end and stress myself out. I am such a gifted procrastinator…

A Family Healthy Eating Win

So, I went grocery shopping yesterday with Estella. I had a plan for our breakfast today. I’m determined to start the school year right for her. I wanted to make Overnight Oats. Pretty much you take whole oats, almond milk, vanilla yogurt, mix and soak them overnight. In the morning you add cinnamon and what ever toppings you like and bam! Healthy breakfast. We were in the breakfast isle after I told her what we would be doing. We were going to add apples and cinnamon. She picked up a package of the instant oatmeal that was apple cinnamon flavored and she said, “why don’t we just get this?” I showed her the back of the oats that I was buying and she said, “calories?” I said, “Oh no. Calories aren’t what makes something healthy or not. Look at the ingredients.” It said whole oats. Then I picked up the box of the instant oatmeal and asked her, “so if this is apple/ cinnamon oats, what should the ingredients be?” She said, “oats, apples, and cinnamon.” I showed her the back. She had the proper response, “what is all that?” I said, “not food”.

That little bit helped her understand why we are making more and more of our own food. She even ate a salad that night. It is my job to teach her how to take good care of herself. I feel like that one conversation did way more than any amount of lecturing could do. She was so proud making her salad too. Maybe she’ll want to make another tonight.

Just Dance!

I almost talked myself into buying a Wii for the house since I have Just Dance 4 and that would be a lovely game for my girl and I to play. However, I discovered that PS3 also has Just Dance 4 and we already have one of those. I picked up the game and accessories needed and another game for Estella and still came out under what I was willing to spend. It is a win. We played for a few hours last night. I just use the dance party and not the sweat section. I’m trying to not show my weight and food issues to my daughter. I’m focusing on healthy and happy. “I’m eating better because I want to be able to be more active”. “No, I don’t want extra mashed potatoes. They make me sleepy”. I don’t ask if things look good, I’ll tell her I decided on what I’m wearing because it feels comfortable. No asking if my butt looks big, but I’ll ask if a skirt covers it. She is a very slender girl. When I was her age, I was shaped like a meatball. She’s tall with a dancer’s legs. And she’s happy. She sings and dances. And I am so afraid that I’m going to screw that up for her. I want to protect her from all bad things and keep her in a bubble.

We’re going grocery shopping after work today. I’m making a list. Since my boyfriend is out of town, we can skip all the junk food. I’ll be making chicken nuggets. I need to make my breadcrumbs first. That was her first request, probably since I’ve been talking about doing it. We’ll see how it goes.

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