Moods and Eating

So I’m stuck with this miserable empty feeling that I don’t know what to do with. I had an exceptionally crappy day yesterday. I even cried at work, a lot. I’m a typical numbers person, we’re not known for our feelings. I had a lot of them yesterday, and it appears that I have more today. The good I see in this? I didn’t console myself with food. That is pretty significant for me. I really hope that I’ve learned better, and that this isn’t just a fluke. We went out to dinner last night, and I took half my food home. After eating so well for over a week, I kind of balked at the serving size that was placed before me.

I don’t want to go walking today because I’m cranky, but I’m going to make me do it. I hear that physical activity is a pick me up. I need to be picked up. I don’t want to spend my day hiding in my cube, crying off and on. I don’t know why I am feeling… so… strongly. It is really not in my character to have emotion leaking out uncontrollably. I hope a walk or two takes the edge off.

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Breaking out the Sneakers

I finally used my new sneakers yesterday. They are New Balance All Terrain. While they are pretty cute, I think I may need to grab some new inserts for them. I have a high instep and these just don’t give me the support that I need. But! I got off my butt and walked three times through my work day. One lap around the building during each of my breaks. I would have gone longer during my lunch break, but we’re in the high 90’s for temperature and I wilt quickly in the heat. I’m still proud. The final side of the building is two flights of stairs, I felt pretty accomplished after reaching the top each time with a steady stride. I should measure how far the walk is. I feel like it is .25 miles, but I could be off.

We didn’t have any salad with dinner last night, just pizza. I stopped with one slice. That in itself is pretty amazing. I attempted more push ups on the balance ball and possibly a crunch or two. I even finished some of my homework and it isn’t even due until Sunday. I love being motivated, it is such a fun feeling 🙂

Fitness at home

I think that my boyfriend finally realized that I’m trying to be healthier. I brought over the balance ball so that he could stretch his back. Then I balanced on it. I like to just sit on it and lift my feet up and see how long I can keep my balance. He’s pretty competitive, so as soon as he figured out what I was doing, the stop watch came out and he had to see how well he could do. I made it to 1.39 minutes and he got to about 20 seconds. He pointed out how it would be a good ab work out, since you’re constantly readjusting your core to keep you right side up. Then, we had to compete with pushups on the ball. I won, but only because I made him laugh and he had never tried to do a pushup on a ball before. He was so close to planting his face into the floor. Once we made it back to the couch, he brought up my request to go for walks at night. He said he would like to. I’m really happy about it. I would like both of us to be healthier.

I went a bit over on calories yesterday. It was all healthy foods, but I went for seconds on dinner. I probably didn’t need the second piece of chicken. At least it was grilled with a rub, no sauce. Everyone keeps eating my salads with dinner, which is good. I wonder what other healthy sides I can sneak in. The older child has said that he’s bored with our dinners. I’ll have to come up with something good.

First Week Success!!

I know that the first week is always the best for weight loss. My body isn’t used to all of the improvements in my nutrition and moving more yet. But still, I was super surprised when I saw an 8 lb loss on the scale this morning. I’m so excited. It is so much easier to keep up with good changes when you see movement on the scale. My motivation is through the roof!

This week will be more of the same, only I’d like to make it out on more walks. Today may only be a short one since the temperatures are in the high 90’s. I’ll at least keep up with my cube circuits. I kind of want to try and do push-ups and sit-ups. I’m bringing my balance ball to my boyfriend’s house today. He mentioned wanting to get one because of his back. I volunteered mine. Hopefully I’ll use it more while it is there. Little healthy changes…

Start:      268.8

Current: 260.8

The Weekends

I have to say, my first weekend dieting is going a whole lot better that I thought it would. I have skipped the starchy sides that I just don’t need. When seeing my boyfriend and our daughter munching on chips for a snack, I brought out my fresh strawberries. I skipped the beer around the bon fire and just kept refilling my water bottle. I am actually looking forward to weighing in tomorrow.

The weather looks better for this upcoming week. I’m going to plan on walking for my breaks at work.

Give Blood

Everyone should give blood if/when they can. I went to donate this week and for the second time out of 23 successful donations, I was turned down. My iron is too low. The Red Cross requires me to be a 12.5 and I came in at 12.4 (the second try was 12.2). This means that I need to take a look at my diet. I take a multi-vitamin daily, and I really feel that should be enough to keep my iron up once added to the spinach and raisins that I consume. This is a good reminder that we don’t just need to look at calories, but the nutrients that we consume as they are very important to how our bodies function.

The Dreaded Friday

I love that the work week is coming to an end, don’t get me wrong, but there is something about Fridays that just fills me with dread. Donuts at the office. Most of the population of my office is trying to watch their weight in some manner, yet our office admin continues to bring in donuts every Friday as a treat. We circle the boxes in the cafeteria, hoping that our will power holds until the last one is taken. I see them and smell them each time I go in there to fill my water bottle up. Of course, my favorite, the Boston Cream is still sitting there. She even let me know that she grabbed an extra one for me because she knows that I like them. Note, this is the same girl that I’ve been sharing my journey with this week. I believe that she means well though. I keep reminding myself of two things when I start checking out the donuts. They are:

1. They do not taste nearly as good as I remember.

2. I will feel like total crap after I eat one.

It isn’t just the guilt of bad food, or even the tummy ache that follows. Donuts bog me down and have me looking for a place to take a nap. So I’m holding on through the dreaded part of the morning. Then I will be happy it is Friday. Until then, I’m in a battle of wills with a box.

I stumble but do not fall

Yesterday, I slipped, but I still call it a win. About an hour after eating my lunch yesterday I was starving. I was circling the vending machine trying to rationalize picking something just to stop my tummy rumblings. I drank another 20 ounces of water and all that did was make me feel sloshy. I was saved from the vending machine by a lunch delivery error. An extra salad was delivered for a meeting that we were having on site. This salad is not like the ones that I make. This one had toppings that were oh so tasty and filling. As I sat there logging each and every one I realized, my calories were blown out of the water for the day. Here’s the win. Instead of saying, “oh well” and binging till my heart’s content (and later feeling like crap) I adjusted. I opted out of the instant mashed potatoes for dinner and switched to a brown rice. I picked the smallest piece of pork and didn’t even get a scoop of corn or apple sauce. I didn’t feel deprived since I now had a larger lunch and it allowed me to readjust my previously planned dinner calories. Was I still over? Yes, but not as much as I could have been.

Today has me adjusting again. I was running late, so I didn’t get to eat breakfast. I ate my lunch for breakfast, and now I just need to find something healthy (but satisfying) for lunch. Previously, I would have just stopped at Dunkin Donuts and picked up a breakfast sandwich and it would be a shame to be there and not get an iced coffee. But, not this time.

Have I mentioned that I have given up coffee? I know that I can have coffee, but the amount of sugar and milk I require to make it palatable to me pretty much classifies it as a junk food.

My workout for today is going to consist of wrestling boxes in our off site storage unit for a few hours. Other than stretching I’m just going to call it a day after that. So that’s it. I slipped. It isn’t the end of the world and it isn’t an end to my weight loss attempt. You’ve only failed if you cease to try and I’m not packing up.

I can do this!

Day 2 was a success and day 3 is off to a fine start. Yesterday, I came in under my allotted calories by about 100. I like using an app to track my calories. I added an avocado to my evening snack and when I saw that it put me over my calories, I opted for a Stonyfield Greek Yogurt. Little changes, and I’m on my way.

Yesterday’s cube circuit consisted of calf raises, scissor kicks (seated at my desk), tricep kickback, shoulder press and dead lifts. I met my goal of 1100 reps and I can sure feel it in my legs today. I used my lunch break yesterday to go purchase new sneakers. The boys at the sports stores are really frustrating. The most they can say about a shoe is that it is the latest technology, and that’s where their training ended. I ended up going to Sears and grabbing a pair of New Balance. I was hoping to try them out today, and go for a walk, but I woke up to rain and it hasn’t stopped yet. If it lets up, I’ll take a lap or two around the building.

Today, I will be putting together a weight loss jar. I am taking the idea from The Hot Mess Princess. She calls them motivation marbles. I have a shelf at work where I can keep them. Pretty much, you fill a jar with marbles that represent all of the weight that you need to remove to meet your goal. As you let pounds go, you remove a marble. I like visuals of my goals. I find that they help keep me on track.

I’ve noticed that I keep my fitness stuff at work. I am very self-conscious with weight loss. I won’t exercise near my boyfriend, or even hint that I’m changing my diet to be healthier. It is almost like I’m afraid that he’ll notice that I’m fat. I’ll work on my fears… eventually. I did manage to slip a salad into our dinner last night without him or the kids noticing (well, they didn’t say anything). The other option was a can of corn, and I was really leaning toward more greener veggies. I even have the leftover salad for lunch today.

I feel like today is even more manageable than yesterday. I am going to stay optimistic and keep on moving.

Day 1

I have to say, I am very happy about my first day. I’m big on planning when I am making important decisions or changes and I have laid my groundwork out. On my way into the office this morning, I bought a scale to keep at work. I then weighed myself and took a few minutes to recover. I am now at my all time high, 268.8 lbs. I’m a full 16 lbs over my pregnancy weight. Although I really wanted to punish myself, instead, I took  that knowledge and went over to one of my favorite weight loss sites, JillianMichaels.com. I love this site, and I love the program. I have even enjoyed some great success while using it and the community that it provides. However, I have an unhealthy relationship with food with some underlying issues. To really work Jillian’s program, you can’t hide from your issues and fears. You need to jump right into them and, not only cope, but really face and move beyond. I get to a point, around 30 lbs lost, and then I end up curled up in bed for a week or so trying to hide from myself. Not easy to do… But this was a pleasant visit to Jillian’s site because I was there for information; I need my “magic number”. Your magic number is the number of calories that you may eat per day to meet your goals. Mine, in this instance, is a goal of losing 2 lbs/week, which gives me 1647 calories per day. I came in under by 18 calories. Woo!

I work in a cubicle, but not in a cube farm. I am a lone cubicle surrounded by (mostly empty) offices. When I start moving again, I like to do what I call Cube Circuits. These are simple exercises that require no extra tools and can be done discretely in my cube. Today’s goal, which I met, was 1000 reps total, and my exercises included squats, punches, leg extensions, arm circles, and a move that I have named a kickback (pretty much, I stand there and try to kick my own butt). Tomorrow, I have different moves and I’m shooting for 1100 reps. I know that these don’t really take the place of a workout at the gym, but I really haven’t been moving and this is inching me in the right direction.

I love the energy that positive changes give me. I love that I can carry this extra enthusiastic oomph over to other aspects of my life. I have some good momentum coming off of day 1, I’m going to ride it right into day 2 and beyond.

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